My hundredth post was about John Mayer and how I wished his album would arrive soon.
sigh....... #stillpissedbutwaitingpatiently
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with the whirlwind of a blog. I started this blog January of this year. I wanted to have a space where I could talk about my thoughts and opinions about the entertainment fields I was interested in because my family was sick and tired of talking about celebrities and I didn't have any friends around. Even when I had friends around, they could never understand how a "smart, Muslim girl" like me could know so much about pop culture and music. I always upset me, but still I loved the gossip, the business, the lovely memories I've made, and the stories each project would tell.
I can understand if you think I am one of the people who wants some type of exposure these days. Whether it is Instagram modeling, Twitter trolling, fake news on Facebook, writing silly little think-pieces or opening up a podcast without a clear intention of what to talk about. I know how it feels when I see people who don't seem to have any potential take up space in an already saturated platform. People who don't seem to deserve it. People who don't want to or don't know they have to work harder to keep the support they are shown.
For me, I started really late in living for my truth, because I thought I was disobeying my family's wishes for me. I didn't seek opportunities in high school that could have propelled me to where I wanted. I was too focused on making my family and teachers happy. That caused me to have second thoughts, anger issues, numbness to rationality. It caused me to blame people for my lack of understand of the world. "Why didn't anybody help me? Why didn't they let me know the potential they saw in me and guide me towards it?" This all lead to my depression. I regret so many things my first years of college. "If I took this major, I could have learned all the things I would need to know for what I've wanted.""If I just did this, I would in a better place." I had suffered so much in my head. I had suffered so much in my environment. I had suffered so much financially. Right now it might seem small to others who have suffered more but at this moment until the moment I am doing what I want, I don't know if I can't let the pain go.
I've complained, whined, said many things on this blog that no matter how many times I go back and revise them, people have still read and already made an opinion of me already. I don't know if I show my true personality yet. I don't what you all think of this anonymous voice and her grammatical error and fangirling issues. I'm sure you know I am not a confident person. I'm sure you've realised that I go through mood swings often. When I have my bouts, I won't post for weeks. I try to keep my promises, but sometimes when I don't feel it's right for me I won't. I'm afraid of disappointing you guys with my words or my lack of them at the right times. I worry about this stuff all the time.
I have so many plans, so many ideas, so many dreams and no feet to stand on to get them started. No business experience, no creative design knowledge, no marketing know-how. What do all these take? Money, of which I have minimal. I feel like I've dragged you all on an unstoppable train. Will you care about what a 22 year old, still in college, Somali Muslim girl has to say? Will you continue to listen to my fangirl thoughts or my opinions on what I like and dislike about entertainment these days?
My current goals are to pass the few classes I have so I can graduate, get a stable good paying good with my biology degree, and save the money I make and to take classes for many things I want to learn. I want to buy equipment and practice the things I could not practice before. I would love to rent a space and build a work studio away from home there. I love my family, but as I as am securely on my own two feet, I need to move out.
From a humane, psychological perspective, I hope you understand why I air out my issues on this blog. It feels less painful. When I don't write on here, I think about writing. I can't have constancy because I am not stable. Please continue to understand and I will continue to work hard to better my knowledge on the areas I want to become professional in.
I am again grateful those who chose to read. You don't have to. I will continue to write and strive toward my dreams. Stay tuned for more nonsense.
image credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
sigh....... #stillpissedbutwaitingpatiently
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you all for sticking with the whirlwind of a blog. I started this blog January of this year. I wanted to have a space where I could talk about my thoughts and opinions about the entertainment fields I was interested in because my family was sick and tired of talking about celebrities and I didn't have any friends around. Even when I had friends around, they could never understand how a "smart, Muslim girl" like me could know so much about pop culture and music. I always upset me, but still I loved the gossip, the business, the lovely memories I've made, and the stories each project would tell.
I can understand if you think I am one of the people who wants some type of exposure these days. Whether it is Instagram modeling, Twitter trolling, fake news on Facebook, writing silly little think-pieces or opening up a podcast without a clear intention of what to talk about. I know how it feels when I see people who don't seem to have any potential take up space in an already saturated platform. People who don't seem to deserve it. People who don't want to or don't know they have to work harder to keep the support they are shown.
For me, I started really late in living for my truth, because I thought I was disobeying my family's wishes for me. I didn't seek opportunities in high school that could have propelled me to where I wanted. I was too focused on making my family and teachers happy. That caused me to have second thoughts, anger issues, numbness to rationality. It caused me to blame people for my lack of understand of the world. "Why didn't anybody help me? Why didn't they let me know the potential they saw in me and guide me towards it?" This all lead to my depression. I regret so many things my first years of college. "If I took this major, I could have learned all the things I would need to know for what I've wanted.""If I just did this, I would in a better place." I had suffered so much in my head. I had suffered so much in my environment. I had suffered so much financially. Right now it might seem small to others who have suffered more but at this moment until the moment I am doing what I want, I don't know if I can't let the pain go.
I have so many plans, so many ideas, so many dreams and no feet to stand on to get them started. No business experience, no creative design knowledge, no marketing know-how. What do all these take? Money, of which I have minimal. I feel like I've dragged you all on an unstoppable train. Will you care about what a 22 year old, still in college, Somali Muslim girl has to say? Will you continue to listen to my fangirl thoughts or my opinions on what I like and dislike about entertainment these days?
My current goals are to pass the few classes I have so I can graduate, get a stable good paying good with my biology degree, and save the money I make and to take classes for many things I want to learn. I want to buy equipment and practice the things I could not practice before. I would love to rent a space and build a work studio away from home there. I love my family, but as I as am securely on my own two feet, I need to move out.
From a humane, psychological perspective, I hope you understand why I air out my issues on this blog. It feels less painful. When I don't write on here, I think about writing. I can't have constancy because I am not stable. Please continue to understand and I will continue to work hard to better my knowledge on the areas I want to become professional in.
I am again grateful those who chose to read. You don't have to. I will continue to write and strive toward my dreams. Stay tuned for more nonsense.
image credits: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
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