Asma's Diary Throw-up #14

Hi, everyone.

Just wanted to give you guys a quick update.

First of all, my birthday is this week!!! Gonna be turning 22.

*inserts TSwift gif here and sighs* 

sigh.

- I've been interviewing for possible jobs. Two have already turned me down. I have to two more to visit. Hopefully I can get a good one before school starts.

- Yes, I'm going to be starting college again. I'm only taking two classes two days a week, so I'm gonna take it slow and steady. I need to bring my GPA up, maybe I could get better jobs later on in the school year.

- I can drive now really well. I can go wherever I want without obstacles. However, I haven't memorized all important roads yet so I'm still a little yet lost. I need to buy a GPS.

- I don't know how well I'm going to manage being bored in science classes when awesome music and movies are coming out waiting for me to be consumed and digested on my blog. I might not write for a long time. I hope you all can bear with me and wait for me. By my estimation right now, I'll probably write sporadically and drop many at a time. I might not pick a time a week to post either. Just off the cuff. You know me.

- I'm going to also keep trying to practice a lot of things. Writing and making videos. I have to get back into reading. Does anyone have any good book recommendations? First, I have to tell you all what I like to read. Will post someday.

*Side: Does anyone have as many things to watch than me? By now, I haven't read a real book since before the new year. That's crazy, especially for someone who has been reading nonstop their entire life.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

I'll be back. *Terminator voice*



image credits: 1

Suga: Our Sweet Gangsta - 'Agust D' 1st Mixtape Review

So, as pretty much the whole world knows, Suga (or Min Yoongi or Agust D) releases his long-awaited debut solo mixtape.

This could be the possible the best that ever happened in the month of August in my lifetime. An early birthday gift to me. Thank you, Yoongi.

Today I had a horrible day. I worked in a building where there is no air conditioner in hijab for minimum wage. Sweating, I drove, for the first time, to another city to my university. I got hooked at three times because I still haven't corrected my habit of looking both ways before I enter a busy road. I almost crashed into several cars. I had to brake really hard twice. The turn into the street by my house does something really scary to my car and I don't want to think about it anymore. I basically saw my life flash before my eyes more times than I need today, from either heatstroke or car accident.

I kinda made my sister a tiny BTS stan, so as soon as I came home she run at me with the news that Suga dropped his mixtape. My first thought was not "Awesome!" or "Even Suga, you lifewrecker", but "What can I punch?" I was so furious with my day that I was again mad that Suga's mixtape couldn't make me excited.

We watched "Agust D" in complete silence. More like I watched with hands clasped over my open mouth and my sister sat in fear that I would to start to become violent. First without subs, second with subs.

[Warning: From this point forward, I will curse/swear/cuss. Don't be surprised.]

To buy or not to buy?

I need to take control of how I spend my money. I've spent so much recently buying things all in the goal to make me feel happier. Many of the objects I realize now I don't need.

And now, I want to buy a wacom tablet and an acoustic guitar. I know. Stop myself, but I'm still going to anyway.

I am also in a battle with myself to buy B.A.P's new song "That's My Jam" and BLACKPINK's debut songs "WHISTLE" and "BOOMBAYAH".

AND Madtown will comeback with part 2 of their "Emotion" album. I can't!

Protect my savings. And I'm going to keep looking for a better job.

Thanks for reading.

Monsta X is creeping back into my life.

Ok, so let's get out of the gloominess and into some random fangirling. 

Monsta X was in KCON LA and I wasn't. The only good thing about that is after trying to forget and forgive them for their past comeback, they got me back with ONE Song - Move Like Jagger by Maroon 5. Now when I tell you I almost fainted, it's true. They could have chosen a Chris Brown Song or Jason Derulo to cover because I know they like that kind of music. But seriously, I'm just barely holding my head up right now.

stop at 1:19. Then BTS comes with Young Forever.

Really?! Not now!

Hyungwon doesn't even try to dance. He just moves slightly and magic happens. Kihyun with this up-do is too much. Too much. Minhyuk said the lyric with "shit" in the song and I was like "That's right. You don't give a shit". I'm not going to talk about Won-hoe. Shownu appa looked so proud of himself at the end and I agree. His agree perfectly matched the song. Jooheon and IM were hanging out in the back, ad-libbing. I wonder what kind of rap could they write for it???

Gasp, if they release a full version, I would be so dead.

Bye!

A little pep talk.

Dear all Somali young man who are literally dying to come to America, here's a little pep talk.


Listen, Cousin. I know you want to come into America but I can not marry you for that to happen. What Hooyo said is true. I have no time for this. I have to finish college, work, and live my own life. Living in America is a dream that becomes a nightmare. Don't take it lightly. Personally, I think you will have a better life back in Somaliland if you start a small electronic business. You will create jobs and make Somaliland a better place. Please don't think of me as selfish. Do better in your own life and stop waiting for a handout. Work harder and smarter. Leaving Somaliland doesn't solve anything, but give you and the people around you stress. Try to work within the system Somaliland has created for you. I am working really hard to get my dreams recognized but as a girl, it is not easy. You have all of the luxuries of a young Somali man. People will follow you anywhere. Please study hard and realize your potential. Stop trying to escape from your problems and run toward them! What are you afraid of? Being wrong? Getting hurt? People have gotten much worse. Stand up with your back straight and face your identity.  Don't forget this message. Don't run to another girl with marriage scheme. Girls want to marry a stable, caring man, not a man who wants to use them. Enough. Go do something worth being married for.

UP10TION's Summer Comeback - teaser pictures

So... everybody here knows that UP10TION comeback teaser pictures give me so much joy. In the words of Wendy Williams, I was minding my own business, pursuing Twitter, and all of a sudden I saw Wooshin's BLONDE hair. He finally escaped his red head!!! The boys really saved me from my thoughts and I'd like to share their faces with you. You're welcome.

P.S. I've decided that my ranking for UP10TION goes like this:

• Hot: Wei, Gyujin, Kuhn

  

• Heartbreakers: Xiao, Kogyeol, Sunyoul, Wooshin

 
 

• Cuties: Hwanhee, Bitto, Jinhoo

 


Bonus: (Try not to look at Wooshin)



Hehe, made you look.

Skin Hunger: A Thought from Cracked Podcast

Hi, everybody, I'm back.

A few days ago, I listened to the Cracked podcast. (If you don't know about them, you should check it if you like casual journalism about pop culture.) Jack was talking about a phenomenon called "skin hunger". It may sound like an obscure idea but it make sense. Jack already said many of the similar things we think about the name however, if you have an open mind, it only means that you hunger for the lack of everyday affection you can receive receive through casual touch. The podcast made me continue thinking about my last post and the reasons why I "hunger" for affection.

I love hugs. I love the way Somali/Muslim women greet each other, hugging and sharing three air kisses. (Real kisses are for people you haven't since in a long time or for kids and babies.) I love being hugged and giving hugs. Yet I want people to know I won't hug everybody every time I see them. Hugs are special. They must not be trivialized. For me, hugs are for greeting and goodbyes, and an award for once in a while when you are feeling excited or sentimental.

I did a little self-experiment this week on how much I touch my family and how much I let my family touch me. I tested my hooyo (mother) and my sister. I started by giving my mother a surprise hug one day and I was surprised by how well she responded. It made me feel good, then confused, then sad that we got to a point in our lives that a hug must be so foreign to us. My sister used to hug me a lot, and I mean so much that I resented her hugs. I gradually started hugging her again and holding her shoulders. Just being close to her for no reason. She hasn't said anything about it yet, but I feel like I might be a little too much and since then I have backed down a little.

To me, I think the problem for Americans and english-speaking people might be the word is touch. I haven't written once that "I touched my sister" or "I felt my mother", because that would make me look like a weirdo preying on my family. The english-speaking mind works differently because of the many inappropriate aspects associated with these words and sentences. So, I'd like to make this clear: what I'm saying is I'd like a meaningful hug every once in a while responding to the things I do well and randomly so I don't feel invisible to my family or friends.

Come to think of it, when I was in middle school and high school, I never really truly established a level of affection with any of my friends because I was never forthcoming to touch or hug them. Because I didn't know what was appropriate for me as a Muslim or me as a friend. So I chose the easy route-I did nothing. There were some girls who made the decision for me and hugged me hello every time they saw me and it made me feel like they really care about having me as their friend.

Now I harken to the days that I used to kiss my mother and father on the cheek good night and can't anymore because I'm grown. When I used to carry my baby sister everywhere with me in my arms and now she's too big and talks too much. How I get excited every time I meet and am responsible for a baby (as Somalis there has to be a baby somewhere), because there's someone I can love unconditionally for a few hours.

All this to say, I hope you get what I mean. Amiable touch, between males or females, should have some unspoken boundaries, but the end result should always be the same. That you should feel seen and heard and recognized as a fellow human being and a warm spirit.

Sorry for taking so long.
Thanks for reading. And I'll be back soon.

Internet hugs aren't bad, right. I'll give one Oprah-style. YOU GET A HUG! YOU GET A HUG! YOU ALL GET HUGS!!! YAY!

let's talk

hi, it's me.

i feel a bit sad these days.  i haven't written anything of substance on my own in a long time. i felt very discouraged for a long time. i haven't read anything nice in a long time. i haven't lifted a pen to write a scene or even a couplet. even writing this is hard. organizing my thoughts seems so difficult these days. there is zero motivation behind my fingers.

i don't even go outside if it isn't for work. i sleep late. my knees hurts. nobody cares. i have big dreams and big plans but there's nothing i can do anything right now. nobody believes i can do it and that makes me want to prove them wrong. even kpop doesn't make me as happy as it used to. cuz i get jealous of idols who are good at things they practice at and have family, friends, and fans that support them and encourage them.

i destroy my self esteem thinking about what i'm doing here, right now, and how it will help in the future. nothing. i'm doing nothing and it won't help me in the future. i'm wasting my time and only living to save money for goals i wish i could reach.

i hate feeling needy but i do. i wish i could get some affection somewhere. i love seeing kpop idols hug each other and play with each other and work so well together. i know and i see that it's hard but their communication levels are so refined. I can barely say "good morning" to my father. i want to have friends that hug me, laugh with me, make stupid jokes with me, be awkward with me, and work with me. i'd people to care for me. if one day somebody noticed and confessed like K-idols do, "i just want to say thank you to asma because she always takes care of us. she loves the people around her and always want them to reach their potential. she makes us laugh and makes sure to listen our worries and suggestions. i want to thank her for teaching me how to behave in this business and taking care of me until now. i appreciate her. i love her. she like my big sister." i would bawl. my tears would never stop because i've never heard sincere, tender words directed towards me. when i become successful, i would love hear my family's thoughts about all of the trouble it took to get there.

all i do now is eat, sleep, work, go to the bathroom, watch youtube, and laugh nonsensically. i hope that i get out of this rut and get back to loving my work again. i hope that everything that's been going wrong for me lately will correct itself. i hope all of my stressors become my allies. i have nothing more to wish more but good health and strength to carry on.

i apologize for the drama i presented and for writing in all lowercase letters. even though i typed this much i don't have the energy to press the shift key. grammer also doesn't seem to matter as much anymore.

thank you for reading. don't be like me. *sniffles*

What I've been listening to lately: June-July

In time of mental turmoil, my number one retreat has always music. Words that are better sang than spoken, felt than understood, blasted into one's ears and dancing it out thoroughly than passively experiencing it. Thankful I have found a world of music that helps me do that, while I'm waiting for my initial world to do better for me.

1. Madtown
I have decided. Madtown, after BTS, is my second bias group. I love them. I love their music. I love the effort they put into their work and the love they shower their fans. Their 3rd mini album "Emotion" features their first ballad title song, which fans were nervous about but luckily it all turned out well in the end. Madtown got some new fans and I got some new music (Ya! is a jam). But, I have to be real. I feel like their fans aren't working hard enough to get the recognition they deserve. I hope this will change in the future. Most Madpeople are busy wondering when they will comeback with a harder song. Let's show the new fans what they've signed up for. Also, bless @madtown_camp on Instagram and Daewon, I love you.

What to do when there is a member in a group you don't like: The Do's and Don'ts

As an addition to my problems this last week of Ramadan, I have been tossing and turning trying to figure out what to do with members I don't like in a K-girl and boys group. some I've learned to like and others have further deepened my despise. I don't know if this is bad to say, but I'm sure many fans have felt that way, even about their favorite groups. It's very rare to like everyone in a group.

So I am here to explain all of the ways you can actively "not care" about the member you don't like.