Hi, everybody, I'm back.
A few days ago, I listened to the Cracked podcast. (If you don't know about them, you should check it if you like casual journalism about pop culture.) Jack was talking about a phenomenon called "skin hunger". It may sound like an obscure idea but it make sense. Jack already said many of the similar things we think about the name however, if you have an open mind, it only means that you hunger for the lack of everyday affection you can receive receive through casual touch. The podcast made me continue thinking about my last post and the reasons why I "hunger" for affection.
I love hugs. I love the way Somali/Muslim women greet each other, hugging and sharing three air kisses. (Real kisses are for people you haven't since in a long time or for kids and babies.) I love being hugged and giving hugs. Yet I want people to know I won't hug everybody every time I see them. Hugs are special. They must not be trivialized. For me, hugs are for greeting and goodbyes, and an award for once in a while when you are feeling excited or sentimental.
I did a little self-experiment this week on how much I touch my family and how much I let my family touch me. I tested my hooyo (mother) and my sister. I started by giving my mother a surprise hug one day and I was surprised by how well she responded. It made me feel good, then confused, then sad that we got to a point in our lives that a hug must be so foreign to us. My sister used to hug me a lot, and I mean so much that I resented her hugs. I gradually started hugging her again and holding her shoulders. Just being close to her for no reason. She hasn't said anything about it yet, but I feel like I might be a little too much and since then I have backed down a little.
To me, I think the problem for Americans and english-speaking people might be the word is touch. I haven't written once that "I touched my sister" or "I felt my mother", because that would make me look like a weirdo preying on my family. The english-speaking mind works differently because of the many inappropriate aspects associated with these words and sentences. So, I'd like to make this clear: what I'm saying is I'd like a meaningful hug every once in a while responding to the things I do well and randomly so I don't feel invisible to my family or friends.
Come to think of it, when I was in middle school and high school, I never really truly established a level of affection with any of my friends because I was never forthcoming to touch or hug them. Because I didn't know what was appropriate for me as a Muslim or me as a friend. So I chose the easy route-I did nothing. There were some girls who made the decision for me and hugged me hello every time they saw me and it made me feel like they really care about having me as their friend.
Now I harken to the days that I used to kiss my mother and father on the cheek good night and can't anymore because I'm grown. When I used to carry my baby sister everywhere with me in my arms and now she's too big and talks too much. How I get excited every time I meet and am responsible for a baby (as Somalis there has to be a baby somewhere), because there's someone I can love unconditionally for a few hours.
All this to say, I hope you get what I mean. Amiable touch, between males or females, should have some unspoken boundaries, but the end result should always be the same. That you should feel seen and heard and recognized as a fellow human being and a warm spirit.
Sorry for taking so long.
Thanks for reading. And I'll be back soon.
Internet hugs aren't bad, right. I'll give one Oprah-style. YOU GET A HUG! YOU GET A HUG! YOU ALL GET HUGS!!! YAY!
A few days ago, I listened to the Cracked podcast. (If you don't know about them, you should check it if you like casual journalism about pop culture.) Jack was talking about a phenomenon called "skin hunger". It may sound like an obscure idea but it make sense. Jack already said many of the similar things we think about the name however, if you have an open mind, it only means that you hunger for the lack of everyday affection you can receive receive through casual touch. The podcast made me continue thinking about my last post and the reasons why I "hunger" for affection.
I love hugs. I love the way Somali/Muslim women greet each other, hugging and sharing three air kisses. (Real kisses are for people you haven't since in a long time or for kids and babies.) I love being hugged and giving hugs. Yet I want people to know I won't hug everybody every time I see them. Hugs are special. They must not be trivialized. For me, hugs are for greeting and goodbyes, and an award for once in a while when you are feeling excited or sentimental.
I did a little self-experiment this week on how much I touch my family and how much I let my family touch me. I tested my hooyo (mother) and my sister. I started by giving my mother a surprise hug one day and I was surprised by how well she responded. It made me feel good, then confused, then sad that we got to a point in our lives that a hug must be so foreign to us. My sister used to hug me a lot, and I mean so much that I resented her hugs. I gradually started hugging her again and holding her shoulders. Just being close to her for no reason. She hasn't said anything about it yet, but I feel like I might be a little too much and since then I have backed down a little.
To me, I think the problem for Americans and english-speaking people might be the word is touch. I haven't written once that "I touched my sister" or "I felt my mother", because that would make me look like a weirdo preying on my family. The english-speaking mind works differently because of the many inappropriate aspects associated with these words and sentences. So, I'd like to make this clear: what I'm saying is I'd like a meaningful hug every once in a while responding to the things I do well and randomly so I don't feel invisible to my family or friends.
Come to think of it, when I was in middle school and high school, I never really truly established a level of affection with any of my friends because I was never forthcoming to touch or hug them. Because I didn't know what was appropriate for me as a Muslim or me as a friend. So I chose the easy route-I did nothing. There were some girls who made the decision for me and hugged me hello every time they saw me and it made me feel like they really care about having me as their friend.
Now I harken to the days that I used to kiss my mother and father on the cheek good night and can't anymore because I'm grown. When I used to carry my baby sister everywhere with me in my arms and now she's too big and talks too much. How I get excited every time I meet and am responsible for a baby (as Somalis there has to be a baby somewhere), because there's someone I can love unconditionally for a few hours.
All this to say, I hope you get what I mean. Amiable touch, between males or females, should have some unspoken boundaries, but the end result should always be the same. That you should feel seen and heard and recognized as a fellow human being and a warm spirit.
Sorry for taking so long.
Thanks for reading. And I'll be back soon.
Internet hugs aren't bad, right. I'll give one Oprah-style. YOU GET A HUG! YOU GET A HUG! YOU ALL GET HUGS!!! YAY!
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