Asma's Daily Throw-up #6

First "Good" Driving Lesson

Today, I took my next step to improvement. I got my first lesson in a long time with a new driving school. I talked her about my previous experiences with bad instructors. How the first instructor basically told me on the first day, "Let's not die today" or "Let's not send anyone to heaven" and threw me on a highway. How the second told me "Don't be so nervous" in a gruff voice, which could only make a person more nervous. I came back home, not being taught a thing, shaken, and scared to ever drive again. My parents won't teach me. I pay for all of my lessons. sigh. Bad experiences galore. I am almost 22 years old without a license.

Understandably, during my lesson yesterday, I couldn't be proud of myself or allow myself to feel excited in any way. I was trying not to disappoint myself or anybody else. I ended up crushing myself for making mistakes and when I did something right, I would acknowledge it dryly. The instructor gave me the classic pep talk and she really was patient with me. I hope I don't f*** up.

By the way, I learned how to do a three-point turn, parallel parking, and the some other basic driving skills nobody bothered to stay and teach me.

Anyway, my goal is to get my license before the summer. I have to invest a lot of time and money to achieve this goal. I have tell that I want to drive for myself and not for anybody else.

To motivate myself, I made a list of the Pros and Cons for Getting My License:

Pros

• More personal space to yell/sing my music
• Independence
• Confidence
• The potential to go on the road trip across the US has increased by 0.5%
• Driving to work
• Going shopping for more stuff I don't need

Cons

• Severe foot pain
• Forgeting about road signs
• Driving family around
• The chances of getting pulled over has shot up to 95.5%
• Driving in bad weather
• HIGHWAYS!!!
• Worring about insurance 
• The potential accident I swerve to avoid
• The potential accident I didn't mean to cause 

Pray for the world and thanks for reading.

About This Blog

First of all, I'm not sure if there are many Somali bloggers who are still blogging. And from those I have found, many of them were girls. I hope some Somali girls and boys read me. That would be cool. If some of you are, please find me so I can follow you.

During my week off, I have been thinking of what I really really want this blog to be about. What I want it to grow into.

I thought about all the things I've said on here already:

• That I wanted this to be a therapy session blog. 

      Which was I realized was inherently stupid, because I am usually a private person. But I let my           emotions outweigh my logic. This blog is not a therapy session. Sorry for putting you guys                 through that.

• How I wanted to use this space to learn. 

      Which is true but I have been thinking about whether I'm teaching myself, and as an extension             you guys, the wrong things.

• That I wanted to use the blog to connect with fellow artists and Somalis.

      Which is sooo ambitious because I can barely communicate with people on a human level.

I do want to learn and connect without making it feel like I have to pay you guys for listening to my depressive thoughts.

I also thought that something was going to appear out of nothing without any hard work, which is wrong. I have to be consistent.

Again, I am going to get better. That's it.

Till next time...

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Asma's Dairy Throw-up #5

Hello everyone,

I'm sorry I haven't written much in a while. Going through my weekly internal meltdown, it's taking a longer time to overcome because I keep forcing myself to snap out of it. Family is breathing down my back. Sleeping routine is wack. Everything irritates me. Ugh!

I'll take better care of myself. Be back up soon. Meanwhile, I'll trying to be more active on social media. Check out my Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and Facebook all using @qualityw_ilmo and AsmaThEnthusiast.

Pray for me and I'll pray for you,
Asma

Bonus: I like to watch with Asma.

There was one video I missed in my previous post that I was reminded of today.

7. What Men Think - @Dormtainment

Some of the best quotable lines you thought you never needed to hear are in this stupid video. I aspire to be that funny.

I like to watch with Asma.

Out of YouTube boredom, I found myself thinking that I haven't watched Conan's show clips in a long time so I ventured forth. After I deep-chuckled a little bit (thank you, Conan), I found this corner where various guests share what they love to watch on YouTube. Good things and bad things. So I, as someone who spends a lot of time on the internet squeezing in my laughter in a corner, thought that I would give it a shot.

The gist of my life on YouTube has been music and comedy. Some of these videos are ones I've watched when I was younger and others are videos I've found recently.

Enjoy.

1. Batman vs. Superman, from The Pete Holmes Show

The video has been privatized, so I can't put it up here to show you guys. But... I love this skit. Basically, the question is what if Superman asked for Batman's help? The answer is why? The ridiculousness of it all was so beautiful and the quickness of Pete Holmes is hilarious. There are a lot of reaction videos of the skit on YouTube if you want to watch it and laugh/cry with me.

2. [ENG SUB] 150708 Behind The Show - BTS

This was during their "DOPE" promotions. I love this interview because it's their comradery and intimacy that makes me love them. Every member has their moment to shine and each member had the chance to be laughed at. This whole video is why BTS has been my bias group since I started KPOP. Plus, Jimin's smile is the single cutest thing. I still squeal.

3. Give You Hell by All American Rejects

This song came out in 2009 and I still remember every scene in this music video. Especially the full-narrative version. All American Rejects was one of the first punk/alt/rock bands I fell in love with in eighth grade and the song encompassed a lot of the thoughts I had toward certain people I fell out with. Enjoy Tyler and the band being weird and lovable.

4. [ENG SUB] 150410 MADTOWN Interview @ The Show Artist of The Week {MADSubs}

This was during their "New World" promotions on The Show, like BTS. I love this video because you can totally tell that they are rookies. They are awkward, rushed, completely unhinged while trying to keep it together. It's amazing and endearing. Moos's mental breakdown, Daewon's antics, Lee Geon's big mouth laugh, Jota's cuteness, Hee Jun's item, Buffy's smile, and H.O.'s randomness. I memorized them all. Also, I can't figure out why Moos and Daewon felt scared in front of the camera. They genuinely did not seem nervous here.

5. Disney Song Compilation Videos/Playlists

I can't pick one video compilation. Whatever song you show me, I can sing A Capella. If you haven't seen my Top 10 Disney Soundtracks, please click on the link to fly to the obvious.

6. Baby laughing videos and animal talking videos

Nothing makes me happier than watching toddler giggle and dogs say "Mama" on AFV. It's all gold.


It might look like I kind of gave up at the end. I did, but I think I went down the rabbit hole to find which baby laugh I like or which dog comically enunciated English, I might never survive. Good night.

Asma's Dairy Throw-up #4

Hello,

I listened to someone say on the Around Round podcast that sometimes it's ok if you don't write everyday. All I have to do is write content that I like and build a nice platform for my readers. I'd like to thank you guys for reading about my weird thoughts, my obvious lists, and my ambitiousness.

So now an update on me,

• I just created a Instagram - @qualityw_ilmo. It doesn't have any pictures yet, so don't follow me yet. I won't post anything fascinating or super funny. Just the things I've been thinking of. 

• I've been watching "Hi! School - Love On" starring Infinite's Woohyun and Sungyeol. It's my first drama from South Korea. I've been really invested at the cringe-worthyness, the predicable plot twists, and seeing idols I know act. I might be finished with it by tonight. I'm on Ep. 15 right now at 1.36 AM. When I finish, I want to watch a historical drama and see those are.  

• I'm really trying with Ep. 2 of my short story. I've trying to figure out this new world I want to put you in and the right combination of words I want to use to convey it. I didn't know it would be this hard. 

That's it for now. Pray for me. I'll pray for you too.

Asma's Diary Throw-up #3

Hello, Hi, Hello,

These are my daily thoughts. Things I worry about, things I promise myself and other random stuff I think of. 

• Next week, I am planning to taking two driving classes and later now taking my driving license. Pray for me that I don't pass out from fear. Thank you.

• I also looking for a part-time online writing job. No luck yet. I want to write for more contests or scholarships, but time slips away from me sometimes.

• One of the reasons I am staying on leave from school is because I want to be there for my sister [and brother, fine]. For example, my sister is having trouble with writing and spelling in her English class. I can help her and I do. What I don't like was when my Hooyo gets involved. Today, she started to take about how my sister would be dumb forever if she didn't know how to spell. That it was simple to fix your mistakes by yourself and how no one will be help fix them for you. That she still has time to become better. This all made her feel worthless and made her cry, feeling like she tried her best for nothing. It made me think about all of the "pep talks" Hooyo and Baabo gave me and how well I turned out; 1. not asking for help; 2. feeling like my best wasn't good enough; and 3. not even listening to advice because I thought I should figure it out myself. That is one of the ways how I become the person I am today. I know Hooyo and Baabo are trying their best with us, but sometimes I wish that instead of trying to fix our problems, they would just listen.

• I am having trouble writing myself. The words don't flow out as well as they should. I'm straining my brain, looking for the perfect beginning, middle, and end. But it's not coming. *sigh*

• As much I want to be there for my sister as her mentor and role model, I wish I had somebody to edit my work and answer dumb questions also. Maybe I'll do a list of qualities I am looking for in a mentor.

Thank you for reading. Have a good night, morning or afternoon.

KPop Rules to Friendship/Brotherhood

I was thinking about friends recently and my lack of them while watching different boy groups reality shows and their backstage chemistry. I just love how their friendships shine through my iPhone screen. 

Here are a couple of things I found that guys in a boy group do to show us their friendship:

My Favorite Voices in Male Bands

These men cause butterflies to flutter in my stomach whenever I listen to them and their passionate voices seeps out from my headphones into my soul. Here, I listed the men from the order I found their music from my youth and recently. I also recommend some songs from their band that showcases their vocal talents.

Hope you enjoy my recommendations, even though some are pretty obvious.

Enjoy.

Western Voices - American, Canadian, English, Irish

Chester and Mike Shinoda, Lead Singer and Rapper of Linkin Park

• "Numb" from Meteora and "Bleed It Out" from Minutes to Midnight 

Patrick, Lead Singer of Fall Out Boy and Patrick during his solo album

• "Thnks fr th Mmrs" from Infinity On High and "Greed" from Soul Punk

Brendan, Lead Singer of Panic! At the Disco

• "That Green Gentleman" from Pretty. Odd. and "The Emperor's Clothes" from Death Of A Bachelor

Tyler, Lead Singer of All American Rejects

• "Walk Over Me" from Kids on the Street and "Give You Hell" from When The World Comes Down

Chad, Lead Singer of Nickelback

• "If Today Was Your Last Day" from Dark Horse and "This Means War" from Here and Now

Danny, Lead Singer of The Script

• "Bullet From A Gun" from Science & Faith

Matty, Lead Singer of The 1975

• "Settle Down" from The 1975

Korean Voices

Jungkook and Jimin, Main Vocal line of BTS

• "Butterfly" (Piano Version) and "House of Cards" from The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Pt. 2

Kihyun, Main Vocalist of MONSTAX

• "Amen" from Rush

Lee Geon, Main Vocalist of MADTOWN

• "Lay Me Down" - Sam Smith Cover

Sungjoo, Main Vocalist of UNIQ

• "Luv Again" from EOEO and "Best Friend" 

Daehyun, Main Vocalist of BAP

• "1004 (Angel)" from First Sensibility 

About when I realized that I am a narcissist...

To be honest, learning about myself is all I have been doing since I started this blog. Which is a good thing, because now I know that I have to help myself before it can get worse.

You might think that as a introvert, there is no way you can be an ego-driven and such a thin-skinned person. But this week, as I listened to the some of recent podcasts from The Read and Cracked and as Ted Talks about narcissism kept coming up on my feed on YouTube, I put the puzzle pieces together. I am a hidden introvert narcissist.

This is nothing to make fun off. This is actually very serious, especially as a Muslim. I'm not supposed to be like this.

[As I am writing this, I know I might be furthering my point, but please bear with me. The first step in solving a problem is admitting you have one.]

Here are 7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist, as explained by Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. from psychologytoday.com.

1. Quiet Smugness/Superiority
2. Self-Absorption
3. Lack of Empathy
4. Passive-Aggressiveness
5. Highly Sensitive
6. The “Misunderstood Special Person”
7. Impersonal and Difficult Relationships

Ever since elementary school, I've remembered when someone wronged me in kindergarten. I've held grudges easily. I was always thinking that I could be better than the person sitting next to me. And even if that wasn't true, there was someone else I was better than. I thought that I deserved more than that person.

I thought it was because I was picky with people, but I have never had a friend for more than a year. I disliked it when kids said they were my friends and then went to talk to other kids.

I am highly sensitive to compliments and criticisms. I have often called myself misunderstood, but now I understand that it was just because I couldn't understand myself.

I was completely wrapped inside myself. I cringe thinking about what I have written on this blog about myself and my thoughts, justifying and contradicting myself at the time.

I realize my wrongs now and I apologize.
I will try better to stop negative thoughts.
I will become a better person to my feelings and to the people I love.

- Asma

10 Songs That Could Help You Get Into KPop.

My brother calls me a "weeaboo". He is also one of those people who finds a trending word and uses it in every situations he sees fit, even when it doesn't.

For those people who don't get what's the big deal with KPop but are willing taste some of the KPop drug, here are a list of 10 songs you could listen to over and over again to get the sensation. These are easy listening songs that makes you curious about the group's other bodies of work.

BTW, KPop is just music from another country. Sometimes it's really cool music with great dance moves and maybe some cute boys and girls you might perhaps fall in love with. I put them in order of which videos I watched during my KPop discovery. I added videos with English lyrics along with the true music video. Some already have subs. Listen to them well.

1. MYNAME - too very so much